Friday, January 13, 2012

Hungry for food or something else? Disordered eating is not just about food.

Our relationship to food says a lot about the relationship we have with ourselves. How we see food, and treat it can be a direct reflection about how we see and treat ourselves.

When we use it to avoid a unpleasant feeling such as sadness, we are also neglecting ourselves. When we use it to distract ourselves, we also send the message to our bodies and spirit that our true needs aren't important. When we use it to fill a void, or emptiness we actually are denying ourselves true nourishment and love.

Disordered eating and food issues are not only about food

Food is therefore, not just a fuel source. It often is bound to our emotions, cultural upbringing and socialization process. So understanding how eating disorders have emerged isn't so hard.

Food can represent love when given to us by care providers as we are growing up.

Food symbolically represents our will to live and thrive.

Food can be used to exert control and power over ourselves and in our lives. We may feel more secure when we control our food such as when we diet, because at least we've got that "working" in our lives.

Food can be a negatively charged trigger because past memories can arise when we feel certain emotions or sensations of pain and fear.

We may either turn to food to numb the feeling, or we run away from food and encourage another distraction to lessen the pain.

Those who reject food, limit it and restrict it severely to the point of inducing a famine state, are actually rejecting life. Almost like a slow suicide. The will to live regresses to the point of death if critical intervention isn't taken.

My own story

On a personal level, I dealt with eating disorders from my late teens and throughout my twenties. The particulars aren't what is of importance. It was my own coping mechanism, similar to a drug addict or gambler, or alcoholic who is trying to survive living from the outside in, instead of from the inner core.

My darkest moments were probably just before commencing my Homeopathic studies. I had to meet that low right in the face before stepping on the road to recovery. I was lucky. I could have really put my life in danger.

But one very profoundly transformative day, that started as the most painful day from hell actually was a calling from my suffering soul. I literally got down on my knees, and heard an inner voice tell me I wasn't alone or meant to die. I was given the strength somehow to climb out of the darkest abyss I had ever faced.

Seems intense.

It was and I actually am VERY gracious everyday for that dark time. It brought me to truly AWAKEN and experience an internal place so beautiful that words are just not sufficient to describe it.

It took me years to truly embrace my eating disorder and to heal.

I hated it, I tried disowning it, ignoring it, running away from it and it only got fiercer. I am truly lucky I didn't turn to conventional medications as my M.D at the time had suggested. I knew the answer was not in a drug.

The answer was within. The answer was Core Connection.

Only when I could give my eating disorder compassion, just as you would for a small innocent child who has made a mistake, did I heal and recover my health. It was like magic.

The moment I gave myself love, instead of rejection, I healed.

The moment I gave my feelings recognition and the opportunity to be felt instead of repressed, I healed.

The moment I stopped blaming my family, media and men for having the eating disorder, I healed.

At the time I didn't realize that I actually was discovering Core Connection. I was implementing practices I was learning from homeopathic college, reading Buddhist literature everyday, I began to meditate and practice Yoga and my life CHANGED so amazingly and offered me a truly transformative process of awakening. I discovered my Higher Self and its' voice and most powerful nature.

I may not be completely at peace with food, or my body image but I have come a very long way. I am more aware of my reactions and I now have a "spiritual" tool box of practices and skills that have replaced old limiting and negative coping strategies. I credit my recovery to divine intervention and to the LOVE I have been able to allow myself to accept and give to others.

From the darkness we can come out the other side and meet our Light. From our place of pain we can discover our immense strength. From our suffering we can hear the answers that will heal our souls.

We need to let go and allow our inner direction to guide us.

If there is any demand that healing places on us, it is to LOVE LOVE LOVE ourselves unconditionally.

I am a living testimony of this. We can truly regain our health, our power and our lives when we make the Core Connection.

We are never alone on our journey.


Health always,



1 comment:

  1. wow. thank you for sharing those very intimate details about your life. baci.