Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Solo and directed

I'm single, solo and a one woman show. It sometimes feels really hard going at it alone. But am I actually alone?

No. I have a great social network of friends and solid family support. I'm not alone for the holidays, or to the parties I'm invited to, my hospice work definitely reminds me of my connection to humanity, and my work is constantly engaging me in new relationships and professional networks.

No I'm not alone. But I do get lonely.

Or perhaps more accurately my mind would like me to believe I'm lonely and in need of a partner. And yes having one isn't bad, but sometimes it doesn't necessarily mean it's better.

There is an italian expression my amazing sicilian grandmother used to always say to me, "meglio sola che mal accompagnata". Translated: Better to be alone than in bad company. She never pressured me to get married and get on with it. Definitely an aware woman.

Sometimes we need to go at it alone. It's one way the Universe tests us. It's a toughie for sure. But it teaches us we are self sufficient, and we realize we are able to live this crazy life with our inner strength and spirit as our mode de operandi and not from external influences.

Ask any single mom, widow, divorcee or thirty something that often is surrounded by mommies and daddies whose ego likes to convince them their life is richer, sacrificial and more noble than someone who hasn't decided to go that route, what it feels like. It's not the easiest lesson, but once you learn it's so darn gratifying.

Believing being solo is sad is the Ego. It's Ego's BS. Plain and simple.

Being solo doesn't mean someone is less giving or less generous. Mother Teresa is a prime example. We choose to devote ourselves to what we feel is worthy and what matters most.

Well that would be the enlightened way.

Unfortunately many feel they need to have the corporate job, be the supermom or dad domestically and otherwise, have the 3 car garage, have 3 kids, the million dollar home they rarely live in and the shiny big SUV.

This is the "I" or the ego that wants this identity. But if that means you are miserable in the process, fighting with your spouse, hardly able to spend quality time with those 3 kids and partner, and have barely enough time to sit in your million dollar home, who are you really fulfilling?

My good friend Vicki said to me yesterday, "You can be lonely, and miserable solo. Or you can be "solo and directed". There is a difference.


We can choose to live single or solo, and yet be directed from our inner essence. That could be the most gratifying life possible. Because you live from your authentic Self, living your purpose and ultimately doing WHAT MATTERS MOST to you and fulfilling our obligation to the bigger picture.

You can give to your community, and those who are in need the love, support and food they need to survive and not feel alone. Then you realize your potential to make a difference on this planet, that goes beyond the house, cars and Louis Vittons on our shoulders.

That's not to say you can't do that with a partner by your side, a family, and the white picket fence deal. You just have to come from an authentic intention about why you want those things in your life. Is it for you, or your mama and papa, is it because your girlfriends have it, society tells you that is what is "normal" and you won't be "someone" if you don't have it?

Every word, thought and action must be congruent with your truth and purpose for living.

Otherwise you are living a facade. You are faking your happiness and that ultimately boils down to being the impostor you have to live with. Then you are really solo and undirected.

I'd rather be solo, and directed.



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